Sitting quietly with my thoughts today, I find myself drawn to memories of my mom. She lived with kidney dialysis for many years, a process that was demanding both physically and emotionally. Yet, true to her nature, she never wanted to burden anyone. She avoided asking for help, preferring to maintain her independence, and rarely went anywhere if she thought it might inconvenience others.
Reflecting honestly, mom had her complexities—she was a bit of a narcissist, something I’ve only come to fully appreciate with time and distance. It made our relationship complicated, rich, and, at times, challenging. Yet, through all that, her resilience and strength remained evident.
In a courageous act of personal sovereignty, she chose to stop dialysis, fully aware of the consequence. For a renal failure patient, this decision is nothing short of a peaceful yet definitive farewell. On March 27th, 2002, she left this world gently, in the familiar comfort of her own home.
Not many days pass without me wondering: What if she were here? Would she enjoy the moments I’ve experienced, or the paths I’ve taken? I catch myself smiling, knowing she would have adored certain moments, rolling her eyes at others, and offering unfiltered commentary on all.
I especially think she’d be proud of my writing journey. She was an avid reader who cherished stories deeply. To see me as an author, penning numerous books, would have undoubtedly brought her joy and pride. Though she’s no longer here physically, her presence resonates with every word I write.
Today, in remembrance, I write for her, acknowledging the complexities of love, relationships, and the enduring bond between a mother and son, which is also between me and her. I celebrate her influence, imperfections and all, knowing that her legacy lives on through my stories.
Very beautiful Neil. Your Mom would be proud of the man you have become.